they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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