she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
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I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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