I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
