The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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