Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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