I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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