Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
