No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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