u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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