I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
