he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize