I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
