I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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