Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
