God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize