I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again