insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?