im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
