My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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