Don't you send me to vm
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
