I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
