the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
