Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
