you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
