woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"