i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?