I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?