If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?