I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.