Sry I called you an 8
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
