I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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