U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
