whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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