wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
