I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
