I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
