i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
