The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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