Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
