Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
