Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
