He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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