omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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