We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
