Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
