If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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