i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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