lets start a swedish sibling band together
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
