Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
