I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
