he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
