farters have to be the big spoon...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
