omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
