Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
