One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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