her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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