We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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