Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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