My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
