Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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