no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
