Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
