I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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