That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
