I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
