There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
