I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
