is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
