saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
