it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
