At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
