I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
