people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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