After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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