you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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