There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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