nut hugger
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
nutella sex= disaster
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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