It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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