you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
