So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
