you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
false alarm. still invincible.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
