Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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