I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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