Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
