it hurts more in the daytime
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
