bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
